The New Moon with the Old
Part 5
By half past two, most of the guests had left, and the house had quieted. Robin had eaten some of the food on his plate, but he looked tired and drawn to Tristan's eyes. He had said very little for the past half-hour, and Tristan was counting the minutes until they could leave.
Miles appeared in the door of the salon, looking as composed as he had before the service. "If you would spare me a moment in the library, Robin? There are a few matters we should discuss."
Robin nodded and looked for a place to set down his plate. Tristan took it from his hand, asking, "Do you want me to come along?"
A wan smile crossed Robin's face. "No, I can't imagine it will take more than a few minutes."
Kate stopped him on his way to the door. "Dear, we're going to say good-bye. We've a three o'clock train to catch."
Robin kissed her cheek. "Thank you so much for being here." He offered his hand to Drew who took it to pull him in for a hug.
"Take care, lad. If you need us for anything, just ring."
Robin's head jerked in a nod. "Thank you," he whispered.
Tristan walked his parents to the street where a cab waited in the light rain. "It meant a great deal to us both to have you here."
"Where else would we be?" Kate asked. "We couldn't have you both go through this without family around you."
Drew gave him a hug. "If Robin needs to get away, send him along to us. We'd be happy to have him."
"I'll tell him, Dad."
He held the door as they got into the cab, waiting until it drove off. When it rounded the corner, he turned back to the house. As he walked into the foyer, he heard a crash from the direction of the library. As he started in that direction, Geoff appeared in the doorway of the salon. Seeing Tristan, he stopped. Before Tristan reached the library, the door flew open and Robin stalked out.
"— I said no."
Now looking frayed, the solicitor appeared behind him. "It's what your father wanted, Robin. These are his wishes."
"I don't give a damn what that bastard wanted," Robin hissed. A patch of hectic colour had appeared on each cheekbone, and his body was rigid. "As far as I'm concerned, you can sell, rent or burn the fucking thing down."
Tristan intercepted him as he started for the front door. "Robin?" he asked, holding him by the shoulders.
"I don't want it, Tris." He turned to glare at Miles, his eyes the same colour as the leaden sky outside. "I don't want any of it."
Tristan looked at Miles who hurriedly explained, "Robert left this house and the bulk of his estate to Robin."
"Would you excuse us?" Tristan asked.
"Of course, a distressing day for all of us. I will be in contact with Robin in the next few days," Miles said, handing a folder to Tristan.
"Thank you." Taking Robin's arm, he led him back into the library, closing the door behind them. He pointed at the broken glass scattered across the hearth. "Did you do that?" he asked quietly.
Robin glared at him. "Miles wouldn't listen to me. He just kept on about how much my father wanted to make certain I was taken care of. He's twenty years too late for that! I don't need it, Tris, and I can't understand why it was so important to him. He never gave me more than a passing thought. Why didn't he leave everything to Karim? He was more of a father to him than he ever was to me!" Snatching up a glass paperweight from the desk, Robin hefted it.
Tristan grabbed his wrist. "No, you don't, young man."
Robin yanked hard against his hold. "It's mine, isn't it? Miles said that's what he wanted."
Tristan wrested the paperweight from his hand and put it out of harm's way on the desk. "This isn't acceptable, and you know it."
"'Not acceptable'? Not acceptable is ignoring your son in favour of someone else's! Do you know why he did it, why he took up Karim, Tris? He wanted everyone to say how wonderful he was — how benevolent! Raising me wouldn't garner him any accolades, would it? When I refused his precious job, he told me he'd never wanted a child, but he let my mother talk him into it so she'd have something — something — to occupy her. I was supposed to be a bloody hobby! Well, the joke was on him when she died, wasn't it?"
"Your father was angry when he said that."
"But he was telling the truth, I knew it just by the way he said it. He'd kept that secret for years."
Tristan pulled his partner into his arms and wrapped his arms around him to hold him still when Robin struggled against him. "Robbie, listen —"
Wedging his hands against Tristan's chest, Robin pushed so hard Tristan wondered if he would have bruises. "He never loved me, Tris."
"If that were true, why would he leave you anything?"
"He couldn't have people know the truth, could he?"
"People don't write their wills to save face, Robin."
Robin pushed harder, frantic to be free. His voice rose to nearly a shout. "He did! Why else would he leave everything to me? He told me he could barely stand the sight of me!"
Now fearing for the structural integrity of his ribcage, Tristan weighed his options and released Robin so abruptly he lost his balance and staggered back a few steps until he was against the desk. Closing the distance between them, Tristan simply spun him around and bent him forward.
Realising what was about to befall him, Robin struggled to get away. Hooking his arm around the slim waist, Tristan pinned him down. Two hard spanks got Robin's attention and his attempts to escape stilled. By the fourth, he was sobbing, and on the eighth, Tristan stopped.
Robin pushed himself off the desk and into Tristan's arms. "I'm sorry."
"I know," Tristan told him, rubbing his back. "You're exhausted and upset. We'll discuss this at home when you're calmer, but now there is the small matter of cleaning up the mess you've made." He looked at Robin's tear-streaked face. "Is there a bath nearby?"
Robin pointed to a door beside the fireplace. "Through there."
"I want you to wash your face while I find a bin to put the glass in."
Nodding, Robin hurried off while Tristan looked around the room. He found a bin tucked under the large desk and set it beside the hearth. Most of the glass — or was it crystal? — had stayed inside the firebox. Picking up the few shards that had escaped onto the carpet, Tristan tossed them into the bin.
"I'll do it," Robin said quietly, kneeling down beside him. With careful efficiency, he collected the larger pieces and then used the fireplace brush to sweep up the rest. Picking up the bin, he carried it to the door and set it outside. "The cleaners will see it there."
Tristan tilted his chin up. "Well done."
"Can we go home now, please?"
"We'll say our good-byes and leave."
Almost everyone had left by the time they returned to the salon. Geoff and Jamie stood inside the door watching the catering staff collect used plates and glassware.
Geoff pushed away from the wall. "The car is outside."
Tristan nodded as they walked to the front door, his arm around Robin. "Everyone's gone then?"
"Yes, to their hotels." Jamie fell into step beside Robin. "Eleanor looked smashing, didn't she? I always forget how beautiful she is..."
As Jamie chattered on, Geoff met Tristan's eyes with a question in his. Tristan shook his head and tightened his arm around Robin who glanced up at him with a hesitant smile. When they got into the car, he snuggled into Tristan's side and rested his head against his shoulder. Jamie sat facing him, finally quiet but his eyes never left Robin even as he gripped Geoff's hand. Tristan sighed, exhausted and relieved the day was finally behind them as the car pulled away from the curb and into afternoon traffic.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Weary beyond all else, Robin stumbled on the stairs and felt Tristan's arm tighten around him. "I'm okay," he murmured.
As Tristan pulled out his keys to unlock their door, Jamie hugged Robin hard, not letting go immediately. Robin was not sure if Jamie knew what had happened in the study, but he had felt Jamie's silent support during the drive home.
"We're meeting my parents and Catherine and Eleanor for dinner. Are you too knackered to come along?" Jamie told them.
"I think we want a quiet night, but thank you."
"Quiet is a good idea," Geoff agreed, giving Robin a quick hug. "You've had a stressful week. Get some rest, sweetheart. The same goes for you, Tris."
"Early to bed for both of us," Tristan agreed. "Lord, I feel as if it's midnight, and it's barely four."
"Ring me tomorrow first thing, yeah?" Jamie ordered Robin before he hugged him once more and followed Geoff upstairs.
Robin followed Tristan into the flat, closing the door and leaning against it as he watched Tristan turn on the lights. He had never been more grateful to be home.
"Go and change out of those clothes," Tristan told him over his shoulder. "Put on something warm."
Robin pushed away from the door and walked to the bedroom, pulling his tie loose as he went. Hanging up his suit and throwing his shirt into the laundry, he found an old jumper of Tristan's and his most comfortable jeans. A quick dig through his meagre collection of footwear yielded a worn pair of carpet slippers. Feeling warm for the first time in hours, he went into the lounge and knelt by the coffee table where Tristan had set out his discipline book, glasses and favourite pen.
They had come up with the idea of the book when corner time had failed miserably. Robin either fretted until he was more upset than he had been or daydreamed away the time. The book gave him a task to help him focus on the problem at hand.
Tristan sat down on the edge of the sofa. "Robbie, do you remember what you told me this morning?"
Robin picked up the pen and ran it between his fingers. "I didn't feel as though it affected me." He paused and thought as Tristan waited. "I didn't know him, did I? He never gave me the chance."
"And he never knew you." Tristan ruffled his hair and Robin leaned into the touch. "You may hold yourself responsible for that, but you're not. He was the adult for the majority of your life. You didn't have any control over the relationship he decided you would have with him. And only once did he decide to include you in his life."
"But if I'd agreed —"
"You would've made yourself miserable to please a very selfish man, and to what end? If you had succeeded, he would've been jealous. If you'd failed, he would have disowned you." He waited until Robin nodded. "I don't think you have any idea how many people love you, sweetheart, and how dear you are to them." He pointed to the book, and Robin opened it, flipping through until he found the page with "My Family" written in Tristan's bold script with numbered lines beneath. "I want you to make a list of them. It shouldn't take too long."
Looking at the page, Robin was sure it would take most of the night to come up with enough names to satisfy Tristan. As Tristan walked into the bedroom, he uncapped his pen and filled in the first line: Tris. Looking up, he called, "Are you coming back?"
Tristan poked his head out. "I'll change and be right there."
Robin nodded and returned his attention to the page. After filling the second and third lines with Jamie and Geoff's names, he stared at the three and thought hard.
When Tristan came in, he sat down and read the list over Robin's shoulder. "That's a good start."
Robin looked at him and then at the list.
"Come up and sit, Robbie," Tristan invited.
With Tristan's arms around him, Robin returned attention to his list. Writing Eleanor's name, he confided, "She found Cheveton, you know. My father didn't care where I went to school, but she did. She must have visited a dozen places before she chose it." He stopped. "If she hadn't, I wouldn't have Jamie. He took charge of me the moment we met. He was a dreadful boss."
Tristan laughed. "Still is."
Adding another name, he smiled. "I loved Catherine from the very start. She never talked to me as if I were a child. When she was on holiday, she took me along wherever she went. Her friends must have teased her, but she never let on."
Biting his lip, he thought and then jotted Kate and Drew's names "They didn't have to come, but they did," he explained. "They've called nearly every day this week, and they were still there. And Mr. and Mrs. Talbot. I wasn't expecting to see them at all. You know, even when Jamie went to London, they still invited me for suppers and weekends, just the same as when he was there. Oh, there's Chris and Gillian. He's my editor and all, but he hired that private investigator because he was worried when he couldn't get in touch with me."
Tristan rubbed his face against Robin's hair. "Gillian was beside herself. She scolded you throughout dinner that first time we went out with them, remember?"
Robin cringed. Chris had warned him about Gillian's temper but actually being on the receiving end of it had not been pleasant. "I apologised — repeatedly."
"And she accepted, once she finally calmed down. Now who else should be on your list?"
"Your grandmother. I thought she was brilliant. Oh, Will and Meg. I know I've only just met them but I love them."
Tristan smiled and ran his hand through Robin's hair. "They're family, too."
He added their names. "Who else?" he wondered. "Oh, David and the baby to go along with Catherine." He surveyed the list and glanced up at Tristan. "That's really rather a lot."
Tristan's arms tightened around him. "It is, isn't it?"
Robin ran his pen up and down the list, rereading the names. "Some of them have been in my life for a very long time, haven't they? Eleanor married my father when I was five. I met Jamie the next year. I've grown used to having them as my touchstones. Now there're new ones like Geoff and your parents. And you..."
"And me," Tristan prompted when Robin did not continue.
Robin could not force his voice above a whisper. "My strength and joy." Closing the book, he set it on the table and turned to face Tristan. "Thank you."
"I love you, Robin."
"I love you." Robin leaned up and kissed Tristan.
"I know," Tristan breathed into his mouth as the kiss deepened.
When Robin finally pulled away, he traced the line of Tristan's cheekbone with his thumb. "Let's go to bed."
"Sweetheart, it's only five o'clock! We'll be awake at midnight."
Standing, Robin tugged him to his feet and started toward the bedroom.
Tristan burst into delighted laughter. "Robbie?"
Robin grinned for the first time in days. "Trust me, we won't be awake at midnight."
Tristan and Robin
Miles appeared in the door of the salon, looking as composed as he had before the service. "If you would spare me a moment in the library, Robin? There are a few matters we should discuss."
Robin nodded and looked for a place to set down his plate. Tristan took it from his hand, asking, "Do you want me to come along?"
A wan smile crossed Robin's face. "No, I can't imagine it will take more than a few minutes."
Kate stopped him on his way to the door. "Dear, we're going to say good-bye. We've a three o'clock train to catch."
Robin kissed her cheek. "Thank you so much for being here." He offered his hand to Drew who took it to pull him in for a hug.
"Take care, lad. If you need us for anything, just ring."
Robin's head jerked in a nod. "Thank you," he whispered.
Tristan walked his parents to the street where a cab waited in the light rain. "It meant a great deal to us both to have you here."
"Where else would we be?" Kate asked. "We couldn't have you both go through this without family around you."
Drew gave him a hug. "If Robin needs to get away, send him along to us. We'd be happy to have him."
"I'll tell him, Dad."
He held the door as they got into the cab, waiting until it drove off. When it rounded the corner, he turned back to the house. As he walked into the foyer, he heard a crash from the direction of the library. As he started in that direction, Geoff appeared in the doorway of the salon. Seeing Tristan, he stopped. Before Tristan reached the library, the door flew open and Robin stalked out.
"— I said no."
Now looking frayed, the solicitor appeared behind him. "It's what your father wanted, Robin. These are his wishes."
"I don't give a damn what that bastard wanted," Robin hissed. A patch of hectic colour had appeared on each cheekbone, and his body was rigid. "As far as I'm concerned, you can sell, rent or burn the fucking thing down."
Tristan intercepted him as he started for the front door. "Robin?" he asked, holding him by the shoulders.
"I don't want it, Tris." He turned to glare at Miles, his eyes the same colour as the leaden sky outside. "I don't want any of it."
Tristan looked at Miles who hurriedly explained, "Robert left this house and the bulk of his estate to Robin."
"Would you excuse us?" Tristan asked.
"Of course, a distressing day for all of us. I will be in contact with Robin in the next few days," Miles said, handing a folder to Tristan.
"Thank you." Taking Robin's arm, he led him back into the library, closing the door behind them. He pointed at the broken glass scattered across the hearth. "Did you do that?" he asked quietly.
Robin glared at him. "Miles wouldn't listen to me. He just kept on about how much my father wanted to make certain I was taken care of. He's twenty years too late for that! I don't need it, Tris, and I can't understand why it was so important to him. He never gave me more than a passing thought. Why didn't he leave everything to Karim? He was more of a father to him than he ever was to me!" Snatching up a glass paperweight from the desk, Robin hefted it.
Tristan grabbed his wrist. "No, you don't, young man."
Robin yanked hard against his hold. "It's mine, isn't it? Miles said that's what he wanted."
Tristan wrested the paperweight from his hand and put it out of harm's way on the desk. "This isn't acceptable, and you know it."
"'Not acceptable'? Not acceptable is ignoring your son in favour of someone else's! Do you know why he did it, why he took up Karim, Tris? He wanted everyone to say how wonderful he was — how benevolent! Raising me wouldn't garner him any accolades, would it? When I refused his precious job, he told me he'd never wanted a child, but he let my mother talk him into it so she'd have something — something — to occupy her. I was supposed to be a bloody hobby! Well, the joke was on him when she died, wasn't it?"
"Your father was angry when he said that."
"But he was telling the truth, I knew it just by the way he said it. He'd kept that secret for years."
Tristan pulled his partner into his arms and wrapped his arms around him to hold him still when Robin struggled against him. "Robbie, listen —"
Wedging his hands against Tristan's chest, Robin pushed so hard Tristan wondered if he would have bruises. "He never loved me, Tris."
"If that were true, why would he leave you anything?"
"He couldn't have people know the truth, could he?"
"People don't write their wills to save face, Robin."
Robin pushed harder, frantic to be free. His voice rose to nearly a shout. "He did! Why else would he leave everything to me? He told me he could barely stand the sight of me!"
Now fearing for the structural integrity of his ribcage, Tristan weighed his options and released Robin so abruptly he lost his balance and staggered back a few steps until he was against the desk. Closing the distance between them, Tristan simply spun him around and bent him forward.
Realising what was about to befall him, Robin struggled to get away. Hooking his arm around the slim waist, Tristan pinned him down. Two hard spanks got Robin's attention and his attempts to escape stilled. By the fourth, he was sobbing, and on the eighth, Tristan stopped.
Robin pushed himself off the desk and into Tristan's arms. "I'm sorry."
"I know," Tristan told him, rubbing his back. "You're exhausted and upset. We'll discuss this at home when you're calmer, but now there is the small matter of cleaning up the mess you've made." He looked at Robin's tear-streaked face. "Is there a bath nearby?"
Robin pointed to a door beside the fireplace. "Through there."
"I want you to wash your face while I find a bin to put the glass in."
Nodding, Robin hurried off while Tristan looked around the room. He found a bin tucked under the large desk and set it beside the hearth. Most of the glass — or was it crystal? — had stayed inside the firebox. Picking up the few shards that had escaped onto the carpet, Tristan tossed them into the bin.
"I'll do it," Robin said quietly, kneeling down beside him. With careful efficiency, he collected the larger pieces and then used the fireplace brush to sweep up the rest. Picking up the bin, he carried it to the door and set it outside. "The cleaners will see it there."
Tristan tilted his chin up. "Well done."
"Can we go home now, please?"
"We'll say our good-byes and leave."
Almost everyone had left by the time they returned to the salon. Geoff and Jamie stood inside the door watching the catering staff collect used plates and glassware.
Geoff pushed away from the wall. "The car is outside."
Tristan nodded as they walked to the front door, his arm around Robin. "Everyone's gone then?"
"Yes, to their hotels." Jamie fell into step beside Robin. "Eleanor looked smashing, didn't she? I always forget how beautiful she is..."
As Jamie chattered on, Geoff met Tristan's eyes with a question in his. Tristan shook his head and tightened his arm around Robin who glanced up at him with a hesitant smile. When they got into the car, he snuggled into Tristan's side and rested his head against his shoulder. Jamie sat facing him, finally quiet but his eyes never left Robin even as he gripped Geoff's hand. Tristan sighed, exhausted and relieved the day was finally behind them as the car pulled away from the curb and into afternoon traffic.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Weary beyond all else, Robin stumbled on the stairs and felt Tristan's arm tighten around him. "I'm okay," he murmured.
As Tristan pulled out his keys to unlock their door, Jamie hugged Robin hard, not letting go immediately. Robin was not sure if Jamie knew what had happened in the study, but he had felt Jamie's silent support during the drive home.
"We're meeting my parents and Catherine and Eleanor for dinner. Are you too knackered to come along?" Jamie told them.
"I think we want a quiet night, but thank you."
"Quiet is a good idea," Geoff agreed, giving Robin a quick hug. "You've had a stressful week. Get some rest, sweetheart. The same goes for you, Tris."
"Early to bed for both of us," Tristan agreed. "Lord, I feel as if it's midnight, and it's barely four."
"Ring me tomorrow first thing, yeah?" Jamie ordered Robin before he hugged him once more and followed Geoff upstairs.
Robin followed Tristan into the flat, closing the door and leaning against it as he watched Tristan turn on the lights. He had never been more grateful to be home.
"Go and change out of those clothes," Tristan told him over his shoulder. "Put on something warm."
Robin pushed away from the door and walked to the bedroom, pulling his tie loose as he went. Hanging up his suit and throwing his shirt into the laundry, he found an old jumper of Tristan's and his most comfortable jeans. A quick dig through his meagre collection of footwear yielded a worn pair of carpet slippers. Feeling warm for the first time in hours, he went into the lounge and knelt by the coffee table where Tristan had set out his discipline book, glasses and favourite pen.
They had come up with the idea of the book when corner time had failed miserably. Robin either fretted until he was more upset than he had been or daydreamed away the time. The book gave him a task to help him focus on the problem at hand.
Tristan sat down on the edge of the sofa. "Robbie, do you remember what you told me this morning?"
Robin picked up the pen and ran it between his fingers. "I didn't feel as though it affected me." He paused and thought as Tristan waited. "I didn't know him, did I? He never gave me the chance."
"And he never knew you." Tristan ruffled his hair and Robin leaned into the touch. "You may hold yourself responsible for that, but you're not. He was the adult for the majority of your life. You didn't have any control over the relationship he decided you would have with him. And only once did he decide to include you in his life."
"But if I'd agreed —"
"You would've made yourself miserable to please a very selfish man, and to what end? If you had succeeded, he would've been jealous. If you'd failed, he would have disowned you." He waited until Robin nodded. "I don't think you have any idea how many people love you, sweetheart, and how dear you are to them." He pointed to the book, and Robin opened it, flipping through until he found the page with "My Family" written in Tristan's bold script with numbered lines beneath. "I want you to make a list of them. It shouldn't take too long."
Looking at the page, Robin was sure it would take most of the night to come up with enough names to satisfy Tristan. As Tristan walked into the bedroom, he uncapped his pen and filled in the first line: Tris. Looking up, he called, "Are you coming back?"
Tristan poked his head out. "I'll change and be right there."
Robin nodded and returned his attention to the page. After filling the second and third lines with Jamie and Geoff's names, he stared at the three and thought hard.
When Tristan came in, he sat down and read the list over Robin's shoulder. "That's a good start."
Robin looked at him and then at the list.
"Come up and sit, Robbie," Tristan invited.
With Tristan's arms around him, Robin returned attention to his list. Writing Eleanor's name, he confided, "She found Cheveton, you know. My father didn't care where I went to school, but she did. She must have visited a dozen places before she chose it." He stopped. "If she hadn't, I wouldn't have Jamie. He took charge of me the moment we met. He was a dreadful boss."
Tristan laughed. "Still is."
Adding another name, he smiled. "I loved Catherine from the very start. She never talked to me as if I were a child. When she was on holiday, she took me along wherever she went. Her friends must have teased her, but she never let on."
Biting his lip, he thought and then jotted Kate and Drew's names "They didn't have to come, but they did," he explained. "They've called nearly every day this week, and they were still there. And Mr. and Mrs. Talbot. I wasn't expecting to see them at all. You know, even when Jamie went to London, they still invited me for suppers and weekends, just the same as when he was there. Oh, there's Chris and Gillian. He's my editor and all, but he hired that private investigator because he was worried when he couldn't get in touch with me."
Tristan rubbed his face against Robin's hair. "Gillian was beside herself. She scolded you throughout dinner that first time we went out with them, remember?"
Robin cringed. Chris had warned him about Gillian's temper but actually being on the receiving end of it had not been pleasant. "I apologised — repeatedly."
"And she accepted, once she finally calmed down. Now who else should be on your list?"
"Your grandmother. I thought she was brilliant. Oh, Will and Meg. I know I've only just met them but I love them."
Tristan smiled and ran his hand through Robin's hair. "They're family, too."
He added their names. "Who else?" he wondered. "Oh, David and the baby to go along with Catherine." He surveyed the list and glanced up at Tristan. "That's really rather a lot."
Tristan's arms tightened around him. "It is, isn't it?"
Robin ran his pen up and down the list, rereading the names. "Some of them have been in my life for a very long time, haven't they? Eleanor married my father when I was five. I met Jamie the next year. I've grown used to having them as my touchstones. Now there're new ones like Geoff and your parents. And you..."
"And me," Tristan prompted when Robin did not continue.
Robin could not force his voice above a whisper. "My strength and joy." Closing the book, he set it on the table and turned to face Tristan. "Thank you."
"I love you, Robin."
"I love you." Robin leaned up and kissed Tristan.
"I know," Tristan breathed into his mouth as the kiss deepened.
When Robin finally pulled away, he traced the line of Tristan's cheekbone with his thumb. "Let's go to bed."
"Sweetheart, it's only five o'clock! We'll be awake at midnight."
Standing, Robin tugged him to his feet and started toward the bedroom.
Tristan burst into delighted laughter. "Robbie?"
Robin grinned for the first time in days. "Trust me, we won't be awake at midnight."
Tristan and Robin